Dinosaurs, Nazi Robots and Zombies! Oh My!

I want

To lose my signal in an underground carpark whilst trying to apologise and spend the rest of the day worrying that you think I cut you off;

To say hello to a pretty girl in the street and when you ask who she is, I lie and say ‘no-one’, which is a pretty stupid thing to say, really, because everyone is someone and the fact that we just spoke, no matter how briefly would suggest that I know who she is, but basically, I lied because I was scared you would read something into it, even though there isn’t anything, she’s just an old friend and now I’ve committed the sin of lying to you and making you paranoid.

To become increasingly annoyed by a racist or homophobic relative of yours until finally I can’t contain myself and I say something to him or her and thereby ruin the whole evening and we travel home in silence, me knowing that I’ve upset you, you knowing that it’ll be some time before you can speak to that relative again and even though you disagree with their politics, family is family;

To forget one of our anniversaries. Maybe one of the traditional ones or maybe that one we don’t talk about in public;

To tell you that I’ll be straight home after the match, but I’m not, because we’ve won, because it was important, because it was Arsenal, and we never beat Arsenal and I was with my mates and they were pressuring me to have another drink and when I get home, you’ve gone out with our other friends and you’ve had to make excuses, but when you get home, I’m lying face down on the settee with my scarf and hat still on (which, although you won’t admit it, you do find kind of endearing);

To forget to post that birthday card to your mom, and when I get home and realise my mistake, I panic and hide the card in a book, but this means that it’s not there as a reminder, so I forget the next day, and the next, until, months down the line, when you’ve been wondering why your mother has been slightly snippy, you take down the book and the card falls out;

Speaking of your mother, she called, said to call her, said it was important;

I want to screw these things up and more, because being in the doghouse with you is better than being on a million other pedestals.